love letter

I have not participated in blogtember at all, because... well I'm a blogging slacker - more often than not as of late.

Today I want to participate, because I love love letters. They give you the opportunity to express how much people mean to you.

I can't pick one person -  maybe it's because of my inability to make decisions or maybe it's because I have SO many people in my life.

Thank you. Thank you so much to all of the people that love me more than I've ever felt I deserved to be loved. Family, boyfriend, friends - all of you. I love that you all take the time to tell me how special, smart, beautiful, important, and most of all loved I am. You all see things in me that I don't see in myself. You bring a smile to my face when all I want to do is cry. These same people appreciate my sassy sense of humor... or well at least tolerate it. They make it so easy to love them, to appreciate them, to care about them, and to want to be there for them how they are for me. If I had 1 wish, it would be that they realized how AMAZING they are. I'm a happy girl, but the people in my life... they make me an elated girl. So thank you to ALL of my wonderful people, I love you all more than words could ever say.

Don't worry, Be Happy, Y'all!

My advice is to start each day with a smile. To be a happy individual and to create your own happiness. I don't rely on other people to make me happy. You need to be able to be happy by yourself. Obviously, that does not mean don't let other people make you happier.

People always ask me why I'm always smiling and what makes me so happy. I don't have an answer or than: I want to be. That does not mean I don't have bad days or that I never lose it. I have horrible days, days where all I want to do is cry, but I don't let it keep me down. I fight to be happy. I will listen to positive music, especially Christian music. The messages in those songs really help me realize that things get better, tomorrow is a new day, things could always be worse.

I haven't always been so positive. I've been at the point where I thought the world was out to get me. It just took some time to realize that I can't blame everyone but myself for the problems in my life. Maybe studying Psychology in college helped with this, but I've decided to be happy. I've decided not to beat myself up when I have a bad day or just want to be alone. I need to do what I can to make sure that I'm happy.  I try to go to bed in a good mood - to handle any negativity before I go to sleep.

Here are a couple of those songs I'm talking about:

Need You Now by Plumb


Before The Morning by Josh Wilson

My fears...

I’m afraid of:
losing those I love (people and animals alike)

getting sick (not a cold, but the serious things)
dying
not amounting to anything
not being the best version of myself
confrontation
upsetting people
failure
heights
spiders

 

The biggest fear I have is losing my mom. She's been my rock my entire life, and has become my best friend as I've grown up. It's the relationship I cherish most. I had to watch her mom, my grandmother battle cancer and lose the fight. I loved my Oma and miss her more than words can say. When I think about that happening to my mom, I can't even think straight. I have a slight panic attack. The strength I had to have for my mom through that time dissipates - I feel like a little girl that just needs her mommy. And these are the feelings just thinking about if that happened to her.

 

I  also have this irrational fear of dying. I believe in God and Heaven, but I can't shake the fear. I think about people forgetting me. Not leaving a big enough mark on this world to be remembered. I think about who will be at my funeral, who's life did I touch - who should I have tried a little harder with. I know everyone eventually leaves this earth - but it's slightly terrifying to me.

 

I do not know how I would cope with getting the news that I was terminally ill. Watching my Oma fight to live when she was given the news the outcome wasn't necessarily positive. She never lost hope, until the day before she couldn't communicate anymore and passed. She had faith until the very end. Through all of the radiation, all of the chemo, through all of bad news - she was determined to win the fight and she fought hard. I don't know if I'd have the strength to fight through the pain, throught the fear, through the unknown.

 

The rest are general fears, they don't criple me like the ones above.

 

 

What I do other than work:

  Love – a lot   I love… people, places, animals, things – so nouns to make people smile to point out the positives in situations to be there for people in times I need to see old couples holding hands to try new places to eat to shop – too much the rain reading books hanging out with family, boyfriend, friends holidays birthdays receiving snail mail     I Read… books blogs magazines recipes shampoo bottles quotes – lots and lots of quotes (speaking of, I forgot to link up Saturday even though I wrote a post (here it is)     I go to… fairs movies parks Braves games concerts restaurants on drives   I knit I oil paint I craft I listen/play music I play with my camera – trying to figure that sucker out I worry I play counselor   I really enjoy every day life – even if nothing exciting happens that day. I could sit at home and read all day and be just as happy as if I went to everything on my “I go” list. I’m easily content and don’t require staying busy. However, it’s always nice to have something to look forward to.  

Oh Gandhi… you amaze me

 

This has always and will always be my favorite quote. Hands down.

We can preach every day how things should be different, how we are just one person, how so much is wrong with the world today – but do we do anything to change things. Obviously as one person you can’t change the world, but it takes one person to start change. You have to be an example of how people of the world should be. Treat people with kindness, help people in need, forgive, be a shoulder to lean on, smile, etc. I love the random acts of kindness movement. Just do something small – leave enough change for someone to get a drink at the drink machine, buy the car behind you’s food, volunteer, help the person struggling to reach something in the grocery store.. the options are endless. It might not change the world, but it might change the mindset of one person who will hopefully spread the love to more people.

... covers face in shame

Well here goes nothing, my list of what makes me most uncomfortable:

 

cell phone ringing in public

the feeling of wool or any other rough fabric

watching a movie with my mom and an intimate scene comes on

walking into a room full of people

using public bathrooms - not because of the sanitary issues (also a factor)

Aunt Flo

running at the gym, this comes to mind:

odors - I always think people will think they're coming from me.

talking on the phone - hate.it. - if anyone wants to take up the job of calling people for me, let me know ;)

attention - I do NOT like attention

Lady Doc appointments - who's with me

hugs from people I barely know

Reading romance novels in public - I feel like everyone can sense what I'm reading (hello 50 Shades of Grey - maybe not romance as much as erotica, baha)

 

 

Okay, so I'm easily uncomfortable - I might need to see a therapist after this.

 

 

 



… for dummies

I am very good at procrastinating. It’s an art – and I’m going to tell you how it’s done. First – you must have something important to do. Or just anything that really needs to get done.

Following this first step – find anything, and I mean ANYTHING to do other than that task. Then commit – I mean fully commit to this alternative task. Here are some examples:

Browse Pinterest.

Browsing pinterest is probably the #1 procrastination tool – it can take hours and it might cause there to be no need to procrastinate with any other tasks. However, in the even that pinterest does not satisfy your needs you can:

Get on Netflix or Hulu and start a new show from season 1. I have found many good, new favorite shows through these two sites. I’d recommend Revenge.

The positive things that come out of me procrastinating are… cleaning, organizing, exercising. These are the better options, but not quite as fun. I recommend going back up to the first two options, because they will provide you with hours of entertainment.

Hope you, who probably already had this skill just as mastered as I, will be thoroughly able to procrastinate from this day forward.