Life–and How Cancer Consumes It.

I'm not one to write about negative things in my life. However, I think that in order to better know me, I should not sugar coat my blog - because, honestly life isn't sugar coated. I do wish it was, and not just because I have a sweet tooth...

My life, as of late, has been somewhat stressful/emotional. It's been a roller coaster. About two and a half years ago, my Oma (grandmother) was diagnosed with cancer. We were scared, but ready to fight right along with her. Taking her to doctor’s appointments, sending her encouraging pictures and cards, going wig shopping when the chemo made her lose her hair, all of it.

After her first round of chemo and radiation, it looked to be gone. They were hopeful. Then about 4 or so months later she went for a check up just to make sure things were still good, and they found a tumor in the same spot. They couldn’t do as much radiation, because she had reached her limit, so chemotherapy was her only option. They did an intense one – one of the strongest ones there are, I believe. It was looking better – but never went away. Two months ago (May 30) my Oma was told that she had 2 more months to live. To say that my heart broke into a million pieces is an understatement. I didn’t know what to think, feel, say… all I could do was cry. This woman is the most important person in my life other than my mom.

They did an MRI of her brain to see if the cancer had spread to it, if not they could prescribe her a pill that would slow down the progression of the cancer. It would not, however, cure it. Good news – the cancer had not spread, so she could take it. Today is 7/26/2012 and while you can tell she is in pain and has her bad days – she is still able to do everything for herself. She has good days occasionally. I know that the day will come, but even though it took me a while to wrap my mind around it, nobody can put a date on when someone will pass on, except for God. He knows, and I put my trust in Him.

Sorry for the downer – it’s just something that’s been on my mind constantly for the last two months.

We’ve been spending every weekend with her that we can. Her favorite things in the world are soccer and elephants. We went to her house for all of the Germany matches during the Euro championships. My mom took time off from work to go to all the games during the week. We just want to do things with her that she enjoys. Time with her is precious and I want there to be as much as possible. Now dates in the future make me sad. Like my birthday is in September, or Thanksgiving, or Christmas… I know you can’t think like that, but I have anxiety issues that I can’t get past.

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for taking the time to read what my last couple of years/months have consisted of and if you want to throw in a prayer, my family would be forever grateful.